...Do you see how if you perform all the steps in their proper order and respond to her cues appropriately you can almost insure that you won't get rejected?
It's only when guys refuse to go through the steps of seduction properly – because of ignorance, laziness or stubbornness – that they set themselves up for being rejected.
When you try to bull your way through all the "chatting-up bullshit" (because you're so unskilled at it that it never works for you anyway) and just cut right to the chase and start coming on too strong...
that's when you just about insure failure with all but the most heinous
pigs out there.
Chap 5 -- Pg. 153
...Believe it or not, you can become fearless... no matter how pitiful a coward you may be at present.
There are many ways to approach the elimination of a personal, deeply-rooted fear that's been interfering with your life... desensitization, re-framing, anchoring, positive self-talk, or other forms of self-confidence training.
But the best type of confidence is always a natural one that flows from simply knowing what the hell you're doing!
Chap 1 -- Pg. 14
...however, having said all that, talking is not the first thing that you ever want to do when you are sniffing around with the thought of seducing a woman.
This of course is the essence of your paralyzing problem with rejection... i.e., your fear of saying the "wrong thing" and thus making a complete ass of yourself.
Guys in general, and particularly guys like you and me (over-thinkers), get all bent out of shape trying to come up with the perfect opening line... the icebreaker, the stunningly clever witticism, that will make her swoon and tumble into a helpless love trance.
I've been there, and so have you. You run through a scan of possible dialogs and ruthlessly reject each one as inappropriate, ignorant or stupid.
There's nothing that seems to fit the situation or the girl in question.
Unable to dream up the perfect line, we withdraw and fade away... our throats choked shut with tension and fear.
It would've never worked out anyway, right?
Chap 5 -- Pg. 114
...One of the ways in which guys get totally fouled up with women is by failing to understand that seduction is really a very elaborate sales process, and, rather than concentrate on selling the product, they focus instead on
how badly they need to make the sale.
Chap 3 -- Pg. 53
...Now here's the really important thing to understand about this particular form of
toxic shame... it wouldn't matter whether or not my advances had actually been rejected by the girl, because it was the very act of flirting with her that was shameful.
By attempting to talk with this girl in a way that was obviously within a man-woman context, I was revealing to her that I had a need for affection... a normal, human emotional need.
However, since my sense of this emotion got shamed as a little kid, "declaring" that I possessed this desire was extremely painful for me.
I was exposing myself in public, and it was humiliating!
Chap 4 -- Pg. 73
...So don't let the excuse that "she's probably already got a boyfriend" stop you from flirting with a foxy chick that catches your eye.
They'll always be flattered by a classy approach and willing to entertain your 'sales pitch'.
The only exception is if they're newly married -- then they send out STAY AWAY signals all over the place to every guy on the planet.
Chap 5 -- Pg. 147
...The combination of your being comfortable with yourself "flaws and all" along with knowing the proper things to say on a first encounter, can be
an awesome weapon that you carry around with you always ready to use on a moment's notice.
Chap 1 -- Pg. 17
...This situation is the absolute pits because -- besides the fact that you have no natural physical attractiveness to give you any sort of edge with women -- your crippling fear of rejection makes it impossible for you to interact in a positive manner anyway.
Your "too-keen" perception of how others may be regarding you only serves to drive you deeper into a cycle of withdrawal that tightens your social noose ever more securely.
You are on a glideslope to becoming isolated, alone and increasingly seen as
strange.
Chap 1 -- Pg. 9
...Women are experts on picking up these signals, far better than you will ever be.
So while you're standing around socially incapacitated because you're afraid of being rejected, what you don't realize is that you already are rejected!
You "auto-rejected" yourself before she ever had a chance to!
She's just following up on the cue you're giving her. See how much about yourself is on open display -- communicated just by your appearance and attitude without you even realizing it?
Chap 6 -- Pg. 197
...Without Embarrassment is going to give you the techniques, knowledge and confidence that you need to
overcome your life-damaging fear of rejection. You will learn some of the classiest methods imaginable to influence and seduce the kind of great looking girls that you've always fantasized about having.
It will do this by teaching you precisely how to act – in both look, attitude and moves – like a High Status, Dominant Male.
Chap 1 -- Pg. 1
...Before you can become skilled at seducing women, you must have a thorough understanding of just what that package is.
You must become familiarized in all aspects of the grading system that women use to place the label SEXY on a man.
After all, you can't begin to seduce them until you first capture their attention.
And... there's no better way to reduce the likelihood of being rejected than by getting a positive GO signal before you decide to attempt an of opening gambit.
Chap 3 -- Pg. 44
...Because these two very dissimilar emotions (a desire for love plus shame) are bound together in the deepest recesses of your unconscious mind, you cannot experience one without the other.
Think of the shame as a monkey clinging to the back of the normal emotion... it pops up whenever you try to experience that emotion whether you like it or not.
Sometimes the gremlin of toxic shame can be temporarily suppressed with the use of drugs or alcohol.
This is the reason people become addicted to chemicals, it allows them to become uninhibited... meaning that
under the influence of mind altering drugs the shame becomes decoupled and they are free to experience the emotion shamelessly, at least for a while.
Think of how you act when you get too drunk or high. Pawing every girl in sight at a party or the bar?
I thought so.
Chap 4 -- Pg. 76
...You make practical use of this anchoring trick whenever you find yourself in a situation where you could use some courage, or to cut off the negative, defeating self-talk in your head that starts up when the opportunity to chat up some foxy chick presents itself.
This can be a great weapon to use against the shame that comes tagging along with those affection-bearing passions that you would like to be able to experience without feeling embarrassed.
Now you can.
Chap 4 -- Pg. 76
...The point is that women always initiate a seduction with some kind of non-verbal signal.
This is the female Mating Call. Non-verbal is the key here, they will not by social convention usually be the first ones to utter a word.
The "rules" of the game then state that it is the man's next move to acknowledge this signal and initial some kind of verbal greeting.
It's our job to say something first. This is the moment where most of us rejection-adverse dimwits fall down and go boom.
Make no mistake about it though, women are the ones who choose the male, AND set the mating dance into motion.
Chap 1 -- Pg. 19
...One of the worst signs of low male status is
timidity displayed in the face of a female who is beginning to signal sexual submission.
Failing this test tells her that you are not a man and that whatever thoughts she may've entertained about you as a potential lover were all wrong.
Chap 6 -- Pg. 191
...Women are not impressed with male appearance (so long as you maintain good hygiene and style) nearly as much as they are impressed with your perceived status on that mysterious male dominance scale...
Chap 2 -- Pg. 22
...Conversational give and take should always be intended to invoke thoughts and feelings, not just consist of a lot of senseless blather.
How to do it? Any kind of question that requires a peek into her deep memory is profoundly hypnotic because it forces her to move away from her rational mind.
Women long to feel a deep sense of connection with a man... you have to feed this desire within her unconscious mind.
Do it by moving her though increasingly more intensely erotic sensations until she actually begins to take over the seduction from you!
Chap 5 -- Pg. 146
...As men, we can easily develop a fear of being overwhelmed and manipulated by a malicious woman skilled in using our own male sexual responses as a weapon turned against us.
This is a comparable fear to the one women have of being heartbroken by a two-timing user.
Again, this kind of fear is very subliminal and could be sneaking around the edges of your consciousness without your even being aware of it.
It could be another brick in the barrier you've erected between yourself and the possibility of becoming intimate with women.
Chap 4 -- Pg. 98
...How pervasive are the effects of toxic shame?
Well, in almost every model of human society, there is no greater punishment than being forcibly ostracized by your peers by having to wear a scourge of shame and humiliation.
The Scarlet Letter, so to speak. Almost every form of addictive behavior has its roots in the desperate need of the afflicted individual to escape from an overwhelming sense of shame that he or she feels has become trapped deep within himself.
We all carry some dysfunctional shame within us since no one experiences a perfect childhood or adolescence, but this emotion-state can get twisted and distorted way beyond what was intended if we are forced to experience it in major doses.
Usually this happens either through a low-volume but unrelenting source (harassment by parent or peers), or by way of an isolated or repeated traumatic event (abuse).
A person concealing a great deal of toxic shame within himself will demonstrate increasingly extreme expressions of addictive behavior in an effort to cover them up and make the painful feelings go away.
Chap 4 -- Pg. 67
...Your voice is your primary instrument of seduction, so you must be certain to use it wisely.
We concentrate a lot on the content of what you say in this book, but don't forget that the
delivery is incredibly important too, especially at the appropriate moments when the two of you can share a flirtatious moment alone.
Chap 3 -- Pg. 60
...Trained by biology and social convention to ruthlessly reject men who are perceived as occupying a low rung on the Male Dominance Scale,
women control a contest where they set all the rules and understand with fine precision exactly how the game of seduction should be played.
Any man who can hold his own in this highly charged arena of combat will have captured her interest regardless of what he may lack in classically handsome physical attributes.
Chap 1 -- Pg. 2
...Women can sometimes come across as aloof when it comes to the sexual attention of men, but you must understand that their problem isn't finding sex (for most women, that's easy) but finding quality sex with a man that they can feel totally free to open up with emotionally.
When you begin drawing this kind of immensely pleasurable response from a woman, almost against her will, you will have demonstrated beyond a doubt that she has stumbled upon sexual nirvana in your skillful arms.
...An orgasm this intense signals a
complete surrender of all her inhibitions in your presence, and she will psychologically bond to you like a lost kitten.
Chap 7 -- Pg. 234
...your personal courage in such situations will begin to go up steadily.
That's because once you know you have the power to elicit a positive response from someone your fear of being rejected by them diminishes to nothing.
Remember that the rejection you fear so much is partly a reflection of your own miserable character and attitude.
Change this and your "rejectability" changes with it.
Chap 2 -- Pg. 36
...Rejection is painful because it's humiliating and thus toxically shaming by nature.
Encountering too much of this mental poison threatens to destroy us, paralyzing us to take further chances with women.
Many men are sensitive to rejection because they hold a very dark and pervasive foreboding within their hearts that the next rejection might just send them over the edge.
What a huge price to pay... a dehumanizing lifestyle of loneliness and isolation.
As long as you are a prisoner of shame, you will manifest behaviors that flag you as a low status male, especially if it's your affection needs that have become shame-bound.
Chap 4 -- Pg. 70
...You see, a woman's interest in mating always begins deep within the limbic portion of her brain where her most basic instincts for procreation reside.
All your efforts to seduce her must take into account an essential duality of her psychology so that you are simultaneously stimulating two divergent parts of her consciousness in order to lead her along towards that coveted moment of sexual surrender.
1) You petition her higher conscious mind with your words and the intriguing content of your speech.
At the same time, 2) you must quickly begin to signal your desirability as a sexual partner to her unconscious limbic brain with your attitude and subliminal behavior patterns.
Chap 2 -- Pg. 25
...It's impossible to get rejected in a shameful way if you don't always have to rely on leading with your mouth (and all the stupid things that come out of it when you're in a dead-bang panic)!
You'll learn to lead with your eyes instead...
Chap 4 -- Pg. 92
...The never-ending saga of the scorned nice guy is a pattern of perceived injustice that begins in high school and trails these losers all around everywhere they go.
You yourself might even be in a situation where you've befriended one of these great looking girls (who refuse to see you as a man), and you actually spend your vacant hours sympathetically listening to her piss and moan about all the various low life dickbrains she gets involved with.
Typically she ignores your good advice to forget about these assholes and immediately goes back for more punishment anyway.
Then she calls YOU up and tells you all about it.
Who do you think is the real asshole here?
Chap 2 -- Pg. 27
...You must understand that a woman's lover cannot be a converted "buddy" – it has to be someone who stirred up her deepest instincts to mate and copulate with actions that spoke to her identity as a woman right from the very start.
Only a few people in her life will ever be considered in this special way by her.
You don't earn that special place in a woman's heart by going through the usual channels of friendship and common experience,
you have to slip in through the back door of her subconscious mind by immediately provoking feelings of lust and passion in her from the very first few moments of contact... or the opportunity is lost forever.
Chap 2 -- Pg. 33
...because it lays down the stench of the weak, rejected male all over you.
Even before you've ever actually been rejected by the very first girl you may've approached in high school for a date or a dance, you've already been rejected.
The first person to have already rejected you, is YOU. And boy, does it show
At all costs you must remove this stink of rejection from your being or women will smell it a mile away and happily join in on the social embargo which you yourself have already begun.
Chap 1 -- Pg. 10
...The only thing you have to keep in mind when it comes to looking good is simply to show that you are attempting to do the best you can with what you've got.
In other words, grooming, hygiene and dress are more critical factors in your appearance than any natural handsomeness you might be lacking.
Looking well kept demonstrates that you're a player and that you're concerned about how you are being perceived by women.
This awareness by itself broadcasts a powerful signal of its own, and it's all "free"... i.e., no need to learn any slick dialog to get some attention directed your way.
It's all visual and silent.
Chap 5 -- Pg. 102
...Your brain experiences an inverse relationship between your horniness and your anxiety over approaching women.
When one goes up the other goes down by about the same amount.
If you're currently at an 80% fear and 20% horniness ratio for instance, try getting that down to 60-40 or even 50-50 and watch what an effortless improvement it will make in your ability to relate to women as a man, and not as some non-aggressive eunuch.
Chap 4 -- Pg. 94
...When it comes to humor, women are mostly impressed by a
clever wit. An uncommon observation made from a twisted, funny perspective is sure to get them going.
The timing aspect of it comes from knowing when to make the joke.
You have to be patient and pick your spots carefully. Then, when you see the perfect moment, slip in your clever observation or cruelly funny take on things.
Then shut the fuck up for a while! Don't overdo it and keeping stringing the joke along just because it was so good it got an initial laugh.
This is what I mean by a "jokin' asshole"... a guy who doesn't know when to quit until he kills the source of the joke and everybody stops laughing.
Chap 5 -- Pg. 108
...Do you think that dominant males gripe and complain about everything in sight?
No? Why is that? Maybe because they have the power to do the things necessary to make their problems disappear?
They fix the stuff that's wrong in their life instead of helplessly complaining about it.
Complaining = powerlessness = weak male.
Chap 5 -- Pg. 105
...If you've been a life long fuck-up when it comes to making out with women, then by now you're probably forcing the ball really bad.
You come on like a sweaty, desperate loser so badly in need of any sort of win to boost your non-existent confidence that you might as well be walking around with a block of fetid Limburger cheese hanging out of your ass.
Your "trying-too-hard persona" signals every woman in sight that you are a low status male.
It proclaims that most of the women you've ever attempted to seduce in the past have voted NO!... and by now their consensus opinion trails you everywhere like putrid chick repellant.
Get the idea, amigo?
Your very first step up out of the gutter is to shake off this desperate "loser's stench" and get yourself free of the low status handcuffs that you've been shackled with.
Let's go...
Chap 5 -- Pg. 100
...The ideal man for her is just the collection of all those imagined characteristics that have been rattling around in the back of her mind all her life.
She pulls them up and examines them anew whenever a prospective new lover starts sniffing around, and the more of these qualities that you can match for her, the more likely it is that your seduction will be a successful one.
If you can respect her need to go at her own pace without seeming impatient or throwing a pout,
it won't be long before the two of you are into some molten sex.
Chap 6 -- Pg. 197
...So now you know the "secret" to not getting rejected – play the game correctly by her rules and she will be compelled to respond to your advances.
Why? Because women, when it's all said and done, are genetically programmed to react favorably to a mans' suitable mating advances.
The signals that you send provoke reactions within the deepest recesses of her unconscious mind... responses that stem from her most basic and primal need to reproduce.
Rejection is reserved only for those males who fail to follow the proper steps.
For those who do know how to play, however, acceptance becomes almost a reflex on her part.
Chap 5 -- Pg. 154
...A lingering anger is one of the chief impediments to your pursuit of women.
It blocks you from exhibiting the patience necessary to effect a calm, confident, easy going manner that women read as the signature of a high status male.
A guy who learns to vent with sarcasm or a short temper is only showing off his low male status.
Just a lowly grunt who gets kicked around all the time... ya know?
Feeling like you're a full time victim of life will make it difficult for you to make an impression with women that puts you in a favorable light.
