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The Trick to
Working Bars & Nightclubs Greetings one and all. Just a quick update on this new audio project that I'm currently developing. I've settled on a topic for the first installment of what I hope will eventually be a sizable library of seduction and dating subjects: Dealing with Your Fear of Rejection. This particular issue is still by far the number one problem for a lot of you guys -- so I'm going to create something that you can use to beat this bitch down once and for all and get yourself a share of all that action you've been missing out on. Basically it will attack the problem from two angles -- as a thought mismanagement problem going on inside your own head, AND as a simple lack of technical skills on your part. Currently I'm drawing up a script and arranging things in a logical fashion... which is almost like a teacher developing a curriculum I'm finding out. I don't plan for this thing to be real tightly-scripted, but I will need a few notes to keep me focused so I don't go drifting off on side topics like a chattering fool. This will be an unplugged, stream-of-consciousness program to a large extent. Just the way I like it. The script will also be used to develop a small companion workbook that will present dialogs, flowcharts, etc. that you can print out and follow along with as you listen. So far, Dealing with Your Fear of Rejection looks like it will break down into three main segments, Theory, Technique and Motivation. The Theory section will include a discussion of the underlying causes of shyness and fear of rejection in order to help you understand what's really going on inside your own head that makes such a irrational fear impress itself upon you so powerfully. The following section on Technique is the real meat-and-potatoes of the program. It will present a complete flow-path and decision tree that you can memorize and use whenever you get an opportunity to exchange a few words with some cute chick, and give you the option to escalate if her signals look promising. This low risk routine should open up a whole planet-full of chances for you! This flowchart will take the concept of "Pull Tabbing" that was presented in my second book She's Yours For The Taking and really put some solid teeth into it. I'll not only give you a sample dialog to use at the 3 most critical points of any cold meeting in order to protect you ego from unnecessary humiliation, but even show you the formula to DESIGN YOUR OWN custom dialogs based upon your own unique style, culture, slang, age group, etc. I plan to take this entire thing one step further and help you really cement those dialogs into your skull so that they will be available to you when the chance is there and your heart is racing and you're tightening up with fear. What I'm going to do is enlist the help of an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) trainer to design a companion program that will help you to memorize these particular key dialogs, along with all the steps in the flowchart (which includes some non-verbal elements). I'm in the early stages of getting one of these guys on board this project right now. I also want him to show you how to LINK these memories to the appearance of the actual fear that you feel when an opportunity suddenly pops up in front of you. In essence the fear will become the TRIGGERING force in its own destruction. Only an evil genius like me would dare to twist the human mind around on itself in such a diabolical fashion! I may even have to work a few frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads into this whole thing somehow... A final installment will discuss an even larger issue that might be blocking your social success by robbing you of your Motivation to chase after women -- a deep yin-yang kind of incongruity between your desire to have a woman in your life vs. a natural tendency to wallow in a rich, internal mental existence that you actually PREFER 90% of the time. It's that 10% unmanageable horniness and longing, of course, that's been creating whatever anxiety that you happen to be feeling about your life. We'll examine the three elements that together conspire to pull you towards isolation and how to overcome their special challenges.
The Trick to
Working Bars Bars and nightclubs can be tough for a lot of guys insofar as meeting women is concerned -- they are not part of the "normal world" in the sense that many of the usual social techniques that we use to keep each other entertained crash and burn in this environment. The women look extra hot and are densely concentrated in one big room, but that's where the advantages over ordinary life pretty much end for most of us. Everybody has their eyes focused on the top 20% of the hottest bodies moving around them like sleek, beautiful animals (and this goes for both the men and the women). Because of this understandable fantasy phenomenon, the rest of us look lessened and low quality in the shadow of the visually hottest. For instance, if you happen to have the male disease of shortness like I do, you will seem that much shorter and perhaps even comical standing next to the towering, muscular Sven or his rap star look-alike buddy at the nightclub. Girls who would otherwise pick up a flirt in a grocery store isle will reject you in a heartbeat simply for failing to make that top 20% cut. It's an environment that requires a thick skin for casual rejection if you happen to strike an average pose, to say the least. With that in mind, here's 5 important things to know about successfully socializing within the fantasy universe of bars and clubs: 1) The bar / club scene demands that you participate in the culture of what I call the "3-D's"... Dancing, Dressing, and the Displaying of attitude. You know what I'm talking about here and if you don't then you need to visit a few of these places and observe the dynamics going on for yourself. Guys who play the part expected of them by the foxy bar-queens that populate these places do the best. Whereas guys who stand around and watch, well... they stand around and watch. If these kinds of behaviors don't come natural to you, then you'll have to learn how to playact your way into this mindset because it's the only way that you'll have any sort of reasonable success-to-rejection ratio. Begin by frequenting some of the best places near you. Watch and study the "players" who seem to always have women buzzing around them. These guys did not simply show up one day and rule the roost – they paid their dues by spending many evenings dancing and drinking, flirting and getting shot down, staying at it until they made a few breakthroughs... and finally making some "friends of a feather" and creating a little entourage for themselves. This doesn't happen overnight. It takes a commitment of time and money... cover fees, hot clothes, bar tabs, etc. It takes a determination to want to bury yourself deep down into this scene and become comfortable with it. Extroverts naturally do much better than introverts in the high-pressure club environment because they take to the whole dancing-drinking-romancing thing like a fish to water, whereas introverts tend to turtle up and become cautious... a behavior that can make you seem completely invisible. A meek little "Hi my name is Joe..." will likely be ignored -- you just won't show up on anyone's radar giving off personality power this feeble. Instead, you need to open strong with a dramatic, playful flirt... something like "Hey baby, you looked really smokin' out there on the dance floor! Very nice, I love that _____ look (mention something unique about her appearance), it's great!" Your delivery should be big and grand and seasoned with a jocular demeanor. 2) The motives of women in nightclubs is different than that of the men, who are basically either trying to meet some hot bitch or get laid that night. On the other hand, many of the women are perfectly happy to tease the men and get their rocks off on all the slobbering male attention -- and that's the extent of it. They drink this psychological goo up like sweet honey – and the more determined they are to make a spectacle of themselves the more certain you can be this is what they're probably all about. Only the top players who are deep into the culture have a shot at these type of sexy airheads. Outside the club these same girls can sport completely different personalities -- which is why I say it's best to try and meet them where they least expect it in everyday life. Of course, the attraction of the club scene is that the chicks are concentrated in one big pile for you to ogle and hit on -- whereas the opportunities are certainly far fewer and of a lower quality in real life. For those of you with limited patience or who feel that there aren't enough opportunities available in your daily life to effectively meet anyone worthwhile, then the clubs are probably your better option. Just understand these major differences and adapt to them. If you can't get into the hoppin' and boppin', high-energy aspect of it, then maybe those quieter corner bars might be a better bet for you. 3) You need to have excellent non-verbal communication skills. Why? Because most of these places are so loud you can barely hear yourself think much less communicate with anyone! Typical club music booms along at volume levels that will make your internal organs shudder, so if the strongest part of your game revolves around your brilliant conversational skills you won't get to display much of your talent in this environment. In fact, you will just melt away into the wallpaper before long. Communication in clubs consists mainly of groping, making-out and staring into each other's eyes... in other words, a lot of physical stuff. Next time you're out at one of these places just watch how much of this is going on. It takes a willingness to dive head first into this mode and get bold with your hands with women you hardly know. Does this sort of behavior fit your temperament? Can you grease up with a few shots of Ol' Grandad and get into the spirit of things even if you're normally far more reserved? Remember that we're not talking about reality here, but rather the strange universe of club reality. 4) Watch her eyes!... the eyes will always tell the tale and they will tell it immediately. If she won't bother to even meet your eye when you're trying to engage her I would suggest that you bail immediately. She's a Queen who's not interested in you for whatever reason, probably because she doesn't recognize you as being in the "club clique". You're not a full time player... just a poor amateur looking for a few thrills. Pushing further is likely to draw a more publicly humiliating rejection than anyone should have to suffer (like I did several times!). So you should be ready to sort through the women FAST in this environment. Speaking of which... 5) Everything is time-compressed in Clubworld. There's no messing around pulling phone numbers after long, sunny conversations. Clubworld is all about ACTION... this is not a venue for meeting women with the idea of dating them in the future – it's all about TONIGHT! That's why lots of touching, flirting, sexual innuendo are in order. The women are there to get fired-up and have some kind of adventure that evening, which could mean anything from a hair-ripping catfight with some other nasty bitch to getting porked by dreamy Mr. Disco. They are certainly not there to meet sweet nice guys for later dating. If that's what you're about then you will find yourself on the sidelines. But... if you can learn how to take on a "club-face" for yourself – dance, circulate, get gossiped about by the women, become recognized as a familiar face, etc. – then you can thrive in these environs. You'll have to train yourself to compete against all the other top dog males just like an athletic event -- so get busy polishing up those dance moves, and remember that things here happen fast! |
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How to Make
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