The Pros-and-Cons of using a
Pick-up Line to Meet Women

Excerpted from "She's Yours For The Taking"

By Mike Pilinski

Judging from a lot of the mail that I get, it seems as though the quest for the Ultimate Super Duper pick-up line has become the most highly sought after Holy Grail in the entire universe of meeting girls.  Perhaps you too were considering using a clever little gem like one of these next time you run across that sexy little hottie from Accounting?...

Just lovely.

Look, I don't slide up to strange women in clubs or on the street and slip them my "magical-mystical pick up line" and expect to lead the hypnotically-charmed honey back to my man-cave ASAP, and neither should you.  It just don't work that way.   A guy's ability to "pick-up" or merely even charm a woman has very little to do with any magical sort of opening words that he lays on her, and everything to do with his Magical Attitude instead.

What I'm saying is that women are not impressed with a man's slick words so much as they are his complete male display.   And by that I mean his mixture of qualities and characteristics which sends out a silent signal that suggests this man has achieved some degree of respect (and perhaps even dominance) over his fellow men.   This "vibe" is held fast in the way that a guy carries himself.   And more than anything else, it's this unspoken aura which can set a woman's heart aflame... even against her will!   Now we're talking chemistry.

Meeting Women Doesn't have to be
Rocket Science

When it comes to meeting women or "picking them up", male shame can really stand in the way of things.   Shame-bound emotions (like our natural human desire for affection, for instance) can be the basis for all our shyness and anxiety when it comes to approaching girls.   Shame causes fear, and fear is the marker of the low status male -- the man who has been put in his place by other men.   She very quickly picks up on this "status read" whether true or not, and you are instantly diminished in her eyes.   If you touch a woman timidly (fearfully) from this posture, it can make your touch seem unpleasant or even repulsive.

This is when those terrible snap rejections occur -- the most humiliating sort that only drive us deeper into isolation.

I once read a poll where women were asked just what constituted a classy pick up "action" by a man.  One response stood out from all the others... "a man who seems like he's lived a little will always capture my interest..." one girl was quoted as saying.

And that really stuck with me... women dream about catching the eye of a man who seems as if he's LIVED a little. (A.k.a., has a LIFE!).

See, once you've accumulated a genuine resume of experiences in your life -- career, social, emotional, romantic and physical -- it will shine through somehow on its own in mere moments of her first encountering you.   It's in your attitude, the way you conduct yourself, the cut of your clothes or how casually you wear them... the gleam in your eye!   She reads where this plops you on the Male Dominance Scale and reacts accordingly.

So the idea that you are going to walk up to some great looking woman... reeking of Low Male Status, and stammer out some magical "pick up line" that will somehow force her to overlook the mountain of negative vibes that you are otherwise broadcasting, is flat out ridiculous.   You cannot compensate for a lifetime of letting your male display wither away with some string of impossibly clever words.   Which brings me to my next point...

Complicated Pick-up Lines Kill

By almost universal social convention it is the man who must make any opening verbal move, so your first goal is to get into the habit of speaking up when you're around cute women... no matter what!   Smile and talk about the damn weather if you can't think of anything else.  What I'm trying to say is that nothing is worse than your uncomfortable, withdrawn silence -- it insures a complete non-connection.   It's okay that you are nervous... a woman actually needs to see this reaction in order to get a signal from you that you not only find her attractive, but are also experiencing a normal play of emotions as a result.

See that... you've already passed an important first test just by being your jittery old self!

Whereas using a canned pick-up line actually makes you look like an inexperienced fool rather than the powerful man that you want to seem like when first stepping up to a woman.  As an example, imagine trying to push one of these doozies past your quivering vocal cords:

"Do you believe in irrational and self-defeating infatuation at first sight?"

"I just wanted you to know that 99% of the women who walk in that door would kill their own mothers to look half as good as you do." (Huh?)

Good God, are you kidding me?   If you can articulate any one of these jawbreakers without sounding like you're gargling marbles then move straight to the head of the class... acting class, that is!

The fact is there's no need to make things this difficult on yourself when trying to meet women.   They are far more impressed by what seems a spontaneous encounter than with your ability to remember an obviously prepared line of ridiculous nonsense.   Suffice to say that you should always keep your opening words easy to remember and easy to articulate!   If you don't believe me then try actually vocalizing those above lines out loud, rather than just reading them in your head.   Then try to recite them back from memory...

...Now imagine a hot chick standing in front of you, totally bewildered, as you're doing it.   Having fun yet?

Another thing about hitting her straight out of left field with some super clever line is that it sets the bar incredibly high for you.  How do you FOLLOW this stuff?  What's the rest of your great speech going to sound like?   You can't just drop back down to "hey, howz it goin'?..." after delivering a sparkling gem like that without sounding double-dumb, can you?

I think women mostly despise guys who come at them with pick-up lines because they figure you probably work every piece of gash who walks by.   It also paints you as the kind of schmuck who views women as stupid and thus easily manipulated with hot-button phrases – a guy who feels that unless he can somehow trick a girl he doesn't have a shot.   Any type of transparent pretense like this sends a negative message about yourself... that dreaded LSM (Low Status Male) read.   So don't lead off with this lame crap, there are much better ways to operate that will make you feel much like less like a creep afterwards!

An Effective Structure for Opening Comments

Always try to be "Light & Bright" when opening a conversation with any cute chick – "light on your feet" in the sense that you can adjust your approach based on the feedback you're getting, and Bright in the sense of being intelligent and clever.   Humor is an all-important marker of intelligence never forget -- and attraction is all about impressing her with these potentially intriguing characteristics about yourself.   I've found the most effective way to deliver an opening comment is in a playfully casual way that makes it sound as if a spontaneous thought just popped into my head.   Make her laugh using any sort of humorous remark, and watch for possible signs of interest by seeing how much eye contact she sustains.

Here's a few more general guidelines to keep in mind when making opening comments to women.  Your words should be:

Unrehearsed -- Again, something that just popped into your head at that moment is usually the best opening line because it's disarming and honest.   Appearing a little nervous is okay too since it will seem like you're attempting to do something that you wouldn't ordinarily have the stones to try.  This makes her feel special about your apparent attraction to her.   And when it comes to women, special is good!

Sincere -- Assuming a challenging posture right off the bat (the so-called "neg hit") with a perfect stranger is risky.   By slapping her with an immediate put-down type remark (supposedly done as a joke) you're just daring a chick to blow you off.   At this point she has absolutely no investment in your feelings remember, so there's no motive for her to soften the blow of her rejection (except maybe fear).   So unless she's just dripping with a mean-n-nasty "club" attitude, I would avoid using this as any sort of opening tactic.

Upbeat -- If you mumble your words out like some nursing home gum-jockey, what's she supposed to do... change your diaper?   No salesman would dare deliver a muttering, uncertain sales pitch because he's basically telling you that his product sucks.   And remember who the product is here... YOU!   So keep your delivery bright and alive!

Non-offensive sexually -- This is a big one.   Insecure guys sometimes like to make sexually bold opening comments in order to paint themselves as sexually experienced -- I guess because they're afraid their near-virgin status will somehow show through otherwise.  This approach speaks just the opposite about you though... because dudes who are really getting laid never feel like they have to broadcast it to women.  They just carry it around with them as a silent vibe in the gleam of their eyes!

If you insist on being this foolish, you may as well just stay home and watch Deep Space 9 re-runs until you disappear into a wormhole.

If you stay within these general guidelines you can usually capture a woman's interest for a second or two and get some flirting action going on, and who knows where that can lead?   In this game it's all about getting yourself onto the playing field no matter what, and then swinging for the fences once you're there!

And that's all any opening gambit can realistically ever be expected to do: buy you a chance to begin charming her and maybe plant a future seed that you can continue to work on.   Game on.

So who the heck is Mike Pilinski anyway and what makes him such a hotshot PUA?  Well, maybe the best way to explain myself is to firmly tell you what I'm NOT... some super smooth "Natural" who has come down from the mountain to ply you lowly peasants with my golden wisdom about women.  Truthfully, a guy like that couldn't teach you a damn thing anyway since he has no idea why he's any good at what he does.  How could he?... he's a Natural!

It's what we DON'T possess and yet desperately crave that sets us upon a quest to capture what's missing in our lives – and for me that was always about learning how to deal with a very specific and focused shyness that I had around women, a deadly, relentless, paralyzing fear of having my romantic advances rejected by them.

In every other respect I was normal and outgoing and had lots of friends and plenty of good times, but there was just something about opening up around women that had me utterly stymied.  Things eventually spiraled out of control because I had no perspective of what was happening to me, and so I didn't understand all the forces that were at play.  I had closed the circle and had now officially become "shy".

During those dark, wasted days I somehow found a way to turn things around by literally just bootstrapping myself up out of the low status male gutter.  Step-by step I made small but vital breakthroughs... asking a girl out, going on a date, trying for a kiss, copping a feel.   Failure and rage dogged me at every turn.   Yet I was slowly developing the raw strategies that would set me free by way of grinding trial-and-error – using clever ways to "trick" my brain into letting me slip through the forest of fear long enough to make a move... to make any small progress that would allow me to claim a place at the table of Life.  I don't like to think about where I might be today if I hadn't just lurched into the ring against this deadly internal enemy and started swinging away blindly.

I fought my way through the self hatred and beyond the endless ruminations and recriminations that followed every rejection.  Made it past the shame.  Silly now when I think back on it, but absolutely essential life-saving work at the time.

Maybe you feel like you've reached a similar point in your own life, I don't know... I don't know what brings you here today.  Whatever it may be though, you can be sure that my own trip has been down a rocky road similar to the one that you might be experiencing right now, and you can benefit from the critical understandings I developed along the way.  None of it is presented from the snotty loft of some happy-go-lucky "winner" either -- but from the battle-scarred perspective of a guy who tunneled out of his own mental hell using a rusty old spoon, and who still has a need to share his story.

See what I do is write from the heart – I spill my guts to whatever extent that I think it will benefit my readers.  And that's my ultimate promise to all of you.