Let me ask you one thing about your book.  As far as flirting and taking things to the next level go... I think being a challenge can also be effective.  I mean, sometimes if you DON'T take things to the next level, this raises a girl's interest in you, right?  I don't think it's necessarily true that you have to always push things as far as they will go (as long as you're confident about it.)  I am talking about the part in chapter 5, page 104.  Since people tend to want what they can't have, if a girl is interested in you at all, she might respond to your hanging back if done appropriately.  What do you think?

Ed


Hi Ed,

Hey buddy you're right about being a challenge -- it's always better to play it coy than to be a "groveler" who's always tripping over himself to impress a woman (this is LSM behavior to the max and a bad signal).  The best way to obtain this attitude is to be casually dating several women at any time (or at least IMAGINE what that must be like), then try as best you can to fake the attitude that comes with having such a nice setup.  Women can sense if you have other "irons in the fire" so to speak, and will be more interested in you because those other women she senses count as affirmative "Votes" for your status as a man.  Women REALLY want men who are desired by other women, because people are attracted by success and repelled by failure.  This is why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer in ALL aspects of the world (especially money!)

Hey thanks a lot for the book, I read it in like 4 or 5 days.  First a little background info. I'm dating this girl named Coral.  She was the one to come on to me when we first met.  I ate her out once, but we haven't had sex yet.  I knew her for several months before we began dating, but I didn't do anything because I was involved with another girl at the time.

My question is... now what?  Don't get me wrong man -- everything is going along very smoothly.  I just wanted to know what a pro like yourself would do in such a situation. 

Oh yea one more thing.  She isn't really interested in anything.  I write music, lift weights and play football to name a few of my hobbies.  She just doesn't do anything that I can show an interest in, besides getting high (something we both enjoy doing).  I would be very interested to learn your thoughts on the matter.  Thanks Again Bro.

Lata,
Mark


Hey Mark,

I got a laugh out of your letter.  Sounds like a real party chick got caught in your spider web.  You make her sound like she's not much good for anything other than toking and fucking, so you might as well just bang her till you get tired of it.  That's what I would do.

You say you don't have much in common right now, but that could change later on.  Lots of relationships are built on shallow ground initially, and since you both like to screw and smoke up, well hell... you already have something you both like to do!

Don't worry about what the dating and relationship books say about having to have all these "matching interests" in order to have a chance with someone -- just go with your instincts.  This thing could go either way -- you might get bored and have to cut her loose, or she might grow on you.  I ended up with a chick like this off of a one-night stand, and it lasted for 4 years.  Eventual broken hearts and all.

Keep an open mind and have fun.  This is what it's all about.

This is one good book!  I have learned all about toxic shame and have finally figured out what my weakness was.  I always kind of knew that I was not shy, but I still couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.  When I learned that I was ashamed to reveal my need for affection, I immediately took action.  Just being exposed to what it was that was holding me back instantly made an improvement in my self-esteem.

Thanks!
Luke


Hi Luke,

I was completely messed up with shamed affection needs as a young adult from having grown up in a family in which open displays of love and affection were discouraged.  In effect, I picked up on my parents embarrassment of these emotions.  Knowledge is the key to destroying these damn neuroses, because they are stealthy AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU HAVE THEM!

My book really only acts as an introduction to the subject of toxic shame -- to get the full understanding of it, I highly recommend you grab a copy of the book by John Bradshaw that I discuss.  This book saved my life!  You would not believe all the secret, subliminal horseshit that goes on in families that can completely screw you up.  Check around for it on Amazon.com.

Hi Mike,

I want to ask you what your success rate is because I've met a lot of guys on the internet who claim they are good at seduction, and I think I'm BETTER than them...

I mean, most of your book is about getting rid of fear of rejection. I can approach 8 girls a night easily and stay in conversations for like 5-10 minutes, but that's it.  There isn't any chemistry or major attraction.

You tend to focus on mostly getting rid of fear or rejection, which seems too basic for me.  I've mostly gotten rid of that fear of approaching long time ago... but the challenge is attracting and closing.  How long have you studied and practiced this? 

Can you get laid in bars/nightclubs every week with a new girl?  What is your success rate?  I want to know if you are the best pick up artist out there or not.

Thanks, 
Lu


Hi Lu,

You're right, much of the book has to do with helping guys who are too shy to meet women, and if you can blast through loads of rejection without a blink of the eye, then those sections of the book might not be of much help to you.

Chapters 6 and 7 are where YOU will find the greatest help, since you seem to be having difficulty getting beyond the initial meeting phase and generating any kind of rapport with the women that you're finding.

You sound to me like you might be a bit too impatient, going thru 8 women in an evening... striking up conversations left and right that don't amount to anything. These chapters will show you how to make good use of that opening conversation and impress a woman in such a way that she begins to take an interest in you as a man, and not just another fast-talking barfly trying to get into her pants in record time.  A dominant male is laid back and casual in his style around women... speed and anxiousness are interpreted as desperation (LSM behavior) and is a big turn off to women.  Study these chapters and practice the methods in them.

I myself don't work bars or anyplace where the pressure to "pick-up" is present.  In fact, I think the entire notion of the "pick-up artist" is a bunch of bullshit.  I only operate in a casual, gradual style around women that I have the opportunity to show off some charm, cleverness and humor.

The only guys who can stroll into a nightclub and walk away with two hot chicks on each arm are guys who already have fame, money, power and notoriety all working for them in advance... like rock stars, movies stars, famous rich guys and pro athletes.  (These are all serious HSM's!)  And these guys don't score based on their "charming rap" either... they succeed with women because of the air of HSM power that follows them around everywhere (along with their posse!).  

What they "know" about picking up women would be of no use to guys like me and you.  Unless you achieve the level of success in life that these men have, there's no sense in thinking you can ever operate like them either.  I certainly can't, but the methods I've developed can be thought of as a "work around" of this problem for recovering LSM's like myself.

Hi Mike,

I've been going to a gym for the last 6 months and have made good progress.  I want your advice on a situation that I often face.  I usually sign in and warm up and do what I gotta do, however sometimes I catch women glancing at me.  They tend to do this only once.  When a woman first looks at me should I go over and talk to them, or should I wait for more confirmation of interest? 

I also went to a club last week and noticed the same phenomena whilst I was walking to the bar and when I was dancing.  How can I get these glancers to engage in conversation? 

Jimmy


Hey Jimmy,

Usually you want to see a few signals grouped together to make sure they're for real.  The glancing could be a signal if it comes along with a little sustained direct eye contact that's held for a moment or two.  Chicks also check out guys who catch their eye you know, just like we scope them out -- but they're very sneaky about it, and this could be what your seeing.  Hey, it's better than being ignored!... you must be giving out a good visual impression. 

If one of these girls catches your fancy, just slide by and say hello and give her a warm smile (social convention dictates that men must take the first verbal gambit, there's no getting around this burden).  Make it easier on yourself by getting a positive sign of some interest FIRST. Always hold eye contact while smiling!   No big deal (remember a dominant male is never apologetic of his interest in women).  Very casual and friendly. 

Don't mention anything about the fact that you caught her looking your way, of course, or she'll be embarrassed and put off.  NEVER acknowledge the trading of non-verbal signals... that's why they're NON-verbal!  And don't overthink what to say next, it's your interest in her as a man that's broadcasting the most critical communication here.  Any conversation will do so long as it's non-offensive.  Stay cool -- nothing stupid or juvenile.  You do this sort of thing all the time, right?  So ACT that way.

Let me know what happens next time you get a "glancer".

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