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Mike, I recently got done reading your recent book "She's yours for the Taking". It was really great, and I think you do an amazing job letting the product speak for itself. I read a lot of books which deal with psychology, and I don't know that I have seen an author who communicates their message in a more effective way. In fact, I find that reading your stuff ends up helping me grow as a person just as much as it helps me with girls. All that being said, I was hoping to take you up on your free e-mail service once again because your advice really helped me last time. 1) As a 21 year old who has never been involved in a long term relationship, how did YOU get started dating experienced girls when you admit that you had very little of any yourself? I guess I am still somewhat ashamed about my lack of any relationship history.
2) I imagine people have asked you for your
opinion on the importance of penis size? My question is, how do
you think this subject fits into the whole male dominance idea 3) The last question I have sort of relates to the whole bar/club scene. Lately I've noticed that I'll get real down on myself if things don't go my way, and alcohol only seems to add to these negative feelings. In fact, I notice myself thinking about all my insecurities -- sometimes it even carries over to when I'm sober. When was it that you started becoming more relaxed and having fun when going out?
Sincerely,
At 22 I seriously wouldn't worry about having had any sort of relationship "history" yet, or that the lack of such is any sort of big negative for you. Teens just date around and experiment anyway -- relationships are a more adult thing, and you're only just getting cranked up for that right now. And please don't be jealous of these "teenage sweetheart" couples that seem to have been so lucky to have found each other and rush off to get married a few years out of high school. Most of them are in for a rude surprise: it's called boredom. Many of these dream relationships won't last and even if they do, who the hell just wants to stick with one person all their life without first sampling what the world has to offer? Count your blessings that one of these insecure little shrews didn't get her hooks into you in 10th grade, and that you are now free to plunge headlong into a world of possibilities now. My first real relationship wasn't until the age of 26, and prior to that my social life was a barren wasteland -- but I don't recall that any of this was ever an issue with any girl that I met subsequently. I never mentioned it or had any reason to. They're sometimes more interested in how many women you've slept with, and for that I gave you a formula for that in SYFT if you need to create a nice "white lie" for yourself. I would just promote the fact that you're a free spirit, hard to pin down, and haven't found "the one" yet. Not that you're a commitment-phobe or anything (which you're still too young to be anyway) but rather, a prize. See, it's not these silly things in your past, it's your attitude about them. You can either be ashamed of something about yourself or proud of it, and most people will simply follow your "modeling" and go along with your lead. The penis thing is another perfect example... no one knows what's inside your pants but you, right? And hopefully, by the time she finds out it'll be too late! Look, you can either act ashamed of a small dick or proud of what's hiding in your shorts... and I'll just have to believe what your attitude about it seems to proclaim about you because I'm not going to ask to see for myself! Right? Attitude! This is how politicians and movie stars put themselves over -- they design a bullshit cover attitude of power or elegance or whatever and then shine it in our face until we all believe it too. (Not me though, I'm too rock hard cynical and impervious ;-) As for bars, I never really got comfortable hanging out in bars and that's why I designed a way to operate in the "real world" using the pull tabbing deal I laid out in SYFT. No sense beating yourself up about the fact that you just may not be temperamentally suited to enjoying this type of "fun". Just take a more casual attitude and drop all the pressure on yourself to accomplish anything in there. You may find this works best! Soon you'll be more in control over how you spend your time and less manipulated by the demands of your friends anyway. |
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Hi Mike, I just want to ask... what is the best way to ask a girl out to the prom? Taking into consideration the fact that you don't know the chick all that well, but we do see each other almost every day at school. Mark
It can be tough to pull this off if you haven't already established any sort of prior connection with her, but your best bet is always to just be very open and direct. This will at least establish that you have some balls and are man enough to go after what you want! The worse way to handle this asking her out deal is to try and use common friends or whatever to "spy" the situation out in advance to discover if she has any feelings for you (or even knows about you) BEFORE you ask. This just sets you up as a little cowardly weasel. Just see if you can corner her somewhere where her (or your) friends aren't around listening in and say something like: "Hi ____(her name)___ I've seen you around school and your ___ (some cool quality that's unique to her... look, athletic / class performance, extra-curricular interest, etc.) ___ has really caught my eye. It's too bad we haven't met up yet, but if you don't have a date for the prom yet I would really love to take you. I think we could have a great time together." Then SHUT UP and let her answer... don't keep nervously tap-dancing and embellishing and adding to the offer. She gets it! The ball is in her court, let her struggle with the answer, that's her end of the bargain... you've made your play. Without a prior connection, this type of approach still has only a 50% chance of working no matter how smooth you pull it off... but you just never know. That's both the crazy thing and the beauty about women -- sometimes if you take the slightest chance with them, that alone is enough to tip the game in your favor and create magic out of apparent nothing. You may be the only guy who's even bothered to ask so far (and the cuter she is, the more likely this is to be true since pretty girls do intimidate many guys into silence)... or maybe she's even secretly had her eye on you! Imagine that! You never know -- especially with younger girls who are sometimes embarrassed about their romantic desires, and tend to be secretive about them. |
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Mike, How do you bring up the safe sex question? Many of the blogs I've seen talk about showing your lab results, etc. Hey, I am almost a goddamn VIRGIN it's been so long since I've been laid! I am CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN and don't want to do anything to ruin that status. Disease free and I want to stay that way! Oral sex is one of my favorite things and I want to make sure that I preserve the full enjoyment -- I don't want to have any lingering doubts about whether or not she's STD free. Eddie
About the only advice I can give you here is the standard deal, the hated C-word... condom. The first few times you bang these chicks you always have to use one of these damn things because you just can't trust anybody until you get to know them better. I sure don't. If you're a real stickler about this issue then you should get tested and be able to show the results to anyone, just like those blogs suggest. This makes it less audacious for you to ask her to do the same thing for you. Lead by example. This is of course a tricky topic to bring up, especially before the first episode of sex. That's why it's best to just matter-of-factly whip out the condom right from the very first go. This is better than starting a long discussion about it prior to actually getting naked. Then you can feel more comfortable raising the larger issue later on after sex so that you can both "stop using these stupid rubbers" and take things to the next level, barebacking. As for going down on her, this would be out of the question until those test results come through or you can otherwise be convinced by her that she doesn't have anything nasty going on there. Otherwise you'd have to use a dental dam or something, and that's really getting kind of clinical and is a big buzz kill. Or, dive into the abyss and hope for the best but beware... chlamydia and genital herpes can be transmitted via oral sex. Yikes! Sorry I had no magic answer for you. |
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Hi Mike, I like your pull-tabbing technique a lot, but I was wondering if there isn't a more blunt approach for those of us who aren't afraid to put our egos on the chopping block. Approaching women doesn't scare me... What scares me is the prospect of ending up like one of those losers who spends his Saturday nights alone jacking off to the latest porno releases. Also, it seems to me that the average guy has to put in a huge amount of effort to bag a "ten". If I can bag a "seven" who gets my juices flowing, will this in any way diminish my Male Status? Ray
You can be aggressive as you like doing the pull-tabbing. I write these things to be workable for the lowest guy on the food chain who normally can't pull up an ounce of courage, but you can add to or modify this process as much as you want to suit yourself. It's all about getting the correct signal from her, and that's usually all about eye contact. If you get it, proceed. If you don't, then you can either withdraw or force the ball by being a bit more insistent. It's your choice -- every guy has his own tolerance limits for rejection. As for the 7 vs. 10 thing, this whole game is basically all about motivation -- the higher up the female "looks ladder" you want to go, the more time, effort and $$$ you will have to invest in the total mission. Guys usually end up with a woman who's looks are a product of the amount of motivation he had while pursuing her (and keeping her happy). A great looking girl on the arm of an average guy speaks of the time and effort he put into seducing her -- not necessarily his own looks. I think that guys who end up marrying fat chicks or plain janes are really just lazy when it comes to courtship. They put in the minimum amount of effort necessary to "get through" the process so they can get back to being a slob on the couch. Now they have a wifey instead of a mommy to cook them their polish sausage! Your current life situation is always a product of all the various decisions that you made getting there... education, career, social, physical/emotional courage, etc. Make bigger, bolder, more well-thought out decision... and enjoy a bigger, better, bolder Life for yourself. |
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I'm 21, I have never
kissed a girl. Any girl that has ever shown interest in me
has been the pursuer, I am non-aggressive -- just like those species you
talk about in your book. I would like to think I am decent
looking, but any time the moment arrives when a girl is interested, I
freak out. And not just a normal freak out like you would
expect... I get crazy. I will immediately bail on the
situation no matter what cost. The epiphanies I felt I had while reading your books have not translated into everyday life. I have tried the desensitization techniques to no avail (did you ever realize how inexplicably embarrassing it was for me to wear that damn rubber band? I had to make up a new excuse for everyone that asked). I have read 3 other books on techniques to overcome fears. All sound good on paper. None work. Long story short, I really like this girl. Turns out she is into me too. As a matter of fact, she has liked me for a while. Well, good old me hasn't done shit about it for a month now. In my mind I have tried, but I can't even sleep I'm so nervous. Well, tonight she told my friend that she's not waiting around forever. I'm desperate man now. If you could slap some sense into me, refer me to a psychiatrist for some meds, anything! I would greatly appreciate some help. Victor
When I hear a story like yours I feel like the best thing I can do through an e-mail is just try to give you some perspective on the whole reality-fantasy thing. You have a man's body but a boy's brain in terms of how you relate to women, and this stems from the fact that all your "relationships" with women have been mostly of the imaginary variety. UNTIL YOU MOVE WOMEN FROM THE REALM OF THE IMAGINARY INTO THE REALM OF "BEEN-THERE-DONE-THAT", YOUR BEHAVIORS SURROUNDING THEM WILL CONTINUE TO BORDER ON INSANITY. Just as you've been describing to me. You are being driven insane by obsessing over something that you desperately want, but won't allow yourself to have. Shame or not, this topsy-turvy view of life will not change until you somehow get yourself to experience a real relationship. If you're a virgin, then do whatever it takes to get laid -- go get a hooker if you need to... who gives a shit? Men have historically had their cherries popped by whores. It was considered a perfectly reasonable way to introduce a guy to his own sexuality and prepare him for being married. The method doesn't matter... only the outcome. The point is that once you have sampled women FOR REAL, this frenzy in your skull will begin to subside somewhat and you can then act from a position of normalcy instead of madness. Accept the challenge and grow up -- the frightened boy is growing crazy trapped inside the man! No pill that you could possibly gobble down will help this situation, only prolong it. And any advice that you get from a therapist will be some fancy variation of what I just told you. Fuck all that -- face down your shame and get busy. Start at the bottom with the ugliest bitch you can find and move up from there if you have to. Doesn't matter what kind of hog she is... the experience will be transformative for you. |
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At any bar or club, approach a table of 3 or more girls and deliver this line to them: “Hey, what are you pigs drinking tonight?” Within the group you will get different reactions as you can imagine! Sure it has some negative repercussions…but it will work on the right chick. But this line will allow you to immediately assess which girl will go home with you. Usually one girl in the group will giggle and smile. Focus on her alone and draw her away from her friends by telling her that you want to buy her a special drink or something. They will rag you out amongst themselves, but the one that you singled out from the group has just become top kitty… and she will go home with you -- maybe only just to “one up” her friends, but does it really matter? What do I win for giving you my “fail-safe line”? John K.
Congratulations!... I'll be sure to pass your wisdom on down the pipeline ;-) |
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Hello Mike, I haven't read your book, but it doesn't matter because whatever you wrote or whatever anybody else has written regarding meeting women is totally lost on me. You see, I couldn't approach a woman if my life depended on it. If I were given a choice of walking up to a woman or going back to Vietnam, I would take my chances in the foxhole. No matter what you or any of the other author's have to say, it's not going to put any words in my mouth. Unless someone is actually standing behind me telling me what to say, it's an incredibly hopeless situation. And since I don't look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney the women aren't going to approach me either. If by some miracle a woman did approach me I would come off looking like a fool anyway, because I would be standing there completely mute and she would think (correctly so) that I was an idiot. She would then tell her friends about the moron she'd just talked to and they would laugh. By the way, I was married once... jumped at the first woman that paid any attention to me. But I didn't know she was a confirmed alcoholic so we finally split. That was over 16 years ago, and in that time I haven't so much as had a cup of coffee with a woman let alone go on a date. No pickup method is going to work when you are so nervous that you can't even speak. Thanks anyway,
I'll give you the name of a book that helped me with a lot of this self-destructive internal chatter. It's called "Self Defeating Behaviors" by Milton Cudney & Robert Hardy. It's an older book from about 1990 and a bit clinical in it's approach (not my writing style certainly), but it'll give you a terrific insight into how SDB's are formed from faulty conclusions that we developed in the past, and how the circuitous methods we use to keep them perpetuated work. Here's the ISBN #... 0-06-250197-6. Softcover, $13 bucks. See if you can hunt it down on Amazon or B&N. I have no financial link to this book -- just my honest recommendation to you, for what it's worth. You have to dig out the bullshit, disempowering conclusions that are stuck in your head in order to see any radical changes in your behavior. Give it a shot, try it as an experiment. Unscrew your lid and stir the contents around a little, know what I mean? Have some fun with that 3 pounds of mush. Take care buddy, and thanks for your past service. |
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